Here at SLI, we get contacted by people who have lost a loved one to Second Life from time to time. Personally, I've had a reasonable number of people contact me directly about it in the past. Why not blame Tateru? Actually, I must admit that for all the stress and heartbreak they're going through hardly anyone's actually directed the blame for Second Life addiction at me personally, but googling around they've stumbled on me and they've asked me for help -- or asked one of the others here at SLI.

That said, you're all asking for the same things, so let me get my agony-aunt hat on and we'll talk a bit about the problems that you're having with your lost partner.
Okay, first up, and most importantly. This is not your fault. It's such an important point that I'm going to say it again. You are not to blame. Anytime you feel like you are, I want you to shut your eyes and tell yourself that three times. Nobody else has to hear it. It's not because you weren't loving enough, or sexy enough, or fun enough or any of that. That's just crap thinking. You are not deficient, defective, substandard or faulty. You aren't the one with the problem here. You're a victim.

This isn't a physical addiction. It's a compulsive behavior, and it doesn't matter if it's Everquest, Second Life, World of Warcraft, City of Heroes, Internet porn or gambling. It's all the same. Your partner could not find balance. As any reformed alcoholic can tell you, the balance has to come from the inside. Other people can show them where it is, but they got to take the steps to get there. Nobody can take those steps for them.

You need to keep your own balance. Trust in yourself. Trust that you did your best, however much that was. You can't be asked to do better. No sane person can expect it of you. That said, you can and you should seek assistance. Your own friends and family might not understand. A lot of people don't understand these sorts of things. You need someone who does. You can try for some support through the gamerwidow forums, but if I were you, I'd supplement that with something stronger.

Look for an addiction support center in your city. They have programs for the partners, parents and children of addicts. It doesn't matter what the nature of the addiction is, the effect on you is much the same. The staff may be a little confused at first, but once you start explaining the effect that it has/had on you, they'll see that you fit their resources. Remember, you're a victim here, you need help too. Usually support programs for families of gambling addicts are the best fit, although some centers are starting to provide programs for support of general Internet addictions.

1. You are not to blame. Not even slightly.
2. If it wasn't Second Life, it would have been something else. It's not the thing, it's the person.
3. You need support too, from people who understand you.
4. Have faith in yourself. Trust yourself.

The holiday season is coming up, and I know that those of you who have written to me have lost your partners. The person you were going to spend this season with. This can't be easy for you, and I truly weep for each of you.

As for others, who might not be quite so far down the path. Get to an addiction support center and get advice, information and whatever support they can give you. It may not be too late for you.