Amy Weebler's 2007 Second Life Predictions

Posted Dec 19th 2006 3:44AM by Aimee Weber
Filed under: Educational, Odds and Ends

Dear Second Life Insider,

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Amy Weebler, not to be confused with international virtual superstar, Aimee Weber. I have decided that it was time for me to share my vast insight into the Second Life culture, my mysterious powers of supernatural precognition, and my willingness to violate Non-Disclosure Agreements by publishing my top ten predictions for Second Life in 2007.

So with no further ado, let us begin!

Sincerely,
Amy Weebler

1. I predict that Plastic Duck, AKA Gene Replacement, will see the error in his ways and find his salvation in religion. He will then promptly reverse engineer the universe, replacing the surface of the sun with pornographic images of Bobby Hill.

2. Philip Morris will join Second Life and claim to be SL's first tobacco company, a claim that will be disputed by many independent SL tobacco enthusiast blogs. They will also be the largest corporation with a presence in the teen grid.

3. Midnight City will sustain massive casualties and structural damage when attacked by an enraged Snapzilla.

4. Numerous members of the Second Life Liberation Army will check themselves into VA hospitals for Post Traumatic Press Disorder (PTPD) caused by the mainstream press finally realizing that orbiting shoppers and firing off particles is juvenile and harmless, not rebellious or courageous.

5. Second Life Herald, in a panic to protect their tenuous grip on blog readership, will upgrade their perjorative pet name for Second Life Insider from "Blingsider" to "JustLikeHitler-ider." SLI will refuse to retaliate as it would be childish to stoop to the level of Slander Life Herald! Uh, I mean Second Life Hearsay. NO NO Second Libel Herald. ACK! Sorry, it's just typo mania here tonight.

6. Police will discover a dead hooker in the trunk of Philip Rosedale's car. Torley Linden will break the news with the announcement: "Philip Rosedale helping troubled teens move on!"

What?! Oh come on, you guys know I love you both!! Ok Fine, I owe you both dinner. Sorry :(

7. While Linden Lab allows the use of the Copybot, the UN General Assembly will vote in favor of a total ban when it's discovered that avatars created with the Copybot suffer horrific genetic malformations.

8. Linden Lab will be sold to Google, who will ALSO be unable to get search to work properly.

9. Prokofy Neva will furiously explain the diabolical implications behind something he doesn't understand. He will then coin a new phrase to express his feelings about people's polite corrections of his technical errors ... Arson-rape-o-cide.

10. People will predict Linden Lab's imminent demise with TWICE the furious rhetoric that they had in 2006, 2005, 2004, AND 2003!

Tags: Amy Weebler, AmyWeebler

Reader Comments

(Page 1)

1. Indeed Weebler? Arson-rape-o-cide? Ass-tounding!

Posted at 9:10AM on Dec 19th 2006 by Baba

2. Too funny. I do believe #6 is my favorite:)

Posted at 9:11AM on Dec 19th 2006 by Nyx

3. I see right through your transparent disguise, Weebler! You're Jeff Linden! Proof:

http://flickr.com/photos/jennyfurflipper/224120635/
http://flickr.com/photos/jennyfurflipper/222401426/

Posted at 2:44PM on Dec 19th 2006 by FlipperPA Peregrine

4. Imminent Death of LL Predicted. Machinimas at 11. :-)

Posted at 2:46PM on Dec 19th 2006 by Erbo Evans

5. Mutant Copybot chick is hawt!

Posted at 2:48PM on Dec 19th 2006 by Macphisto Angelus

6. 8. Linden Lab will be sold to Google, who will ALSO be unable to get search to work properly.

That made me lol X) nice job Ami..y

Posted at 3:34PM on Dec 19th 2006 by Laser Pascal

7. Prokofy will do no such thing. I explained CopyBot perfectly: it is a social disorder. It's not about the technology.

Well, I'd correct the one about Philip Morris to explain that they will fund the Herald to have a 16-island continent with an instant pagable inworld edition that updates 3 times a day, a replicat of its renowned yacht, hot and cold running Ossetian twins, endlessly flowing Veuve Cliquot and absolutely no lag.

Regarding the dead hooker -- that was mean! If you were going to do that right, you'd have to say that when found with the dead hooker, Philip announced that .01 percent of all software manufactures do experience dead hookers in the trunks of their cars and that 98.2 percent of hookers are not dead, and not in his trunk. Torley will make a lightshow elapsed time doctored texture of his press conference and post it on Planet SL.

Aimee Weber *will* show up at SLCC 2007 and instead of turning out to be Jeff Linden, a male, New York designer as gay as an Easter bonnet; an entire studio of designers in China, or even the cousin of Mitch Kapor, she will turn out to be just this overweight girl from Yonkers whose mom took her out of ballet too soon and who couldn't get into grad school.

Posted at 5:45PM on Dec 19th 2006 by Prokofy Neva

8. Lash-out-o-licious! I think I struck a nerve!

Posted at 5:56PM on Dec 19th 2006 by Aimee Weber

9. Prok, if you were as funny in everyday life [aka your blog] as you were in this comment, some of us might actually be able to stand you. Keep working at it.

Weebler, what of the M2? My personal SL psychic, Icy Notalott, says that we're going to buy USA Today and add a "Virtual" section to it. I'd rather see us put our investment Linden into rutabaga futures -- Cylindrian Rutabaga, that is. What do your crystal balls show?

Oh, and FYI, people -- any similarity between Weebler and the Goddess Aimee is purely coincidental; I've met them both, and while Aimee smells of rose petals and gin, Weebler just smells funny. I think he keeps a dead furry in his hip pocket.

P2

Posted at 6:46PM on Dec 19th 2006 by Phoenix Psaltery

10. "Once again, Weebler demonstrates the mystical insight of Nostrodamus" - Jauani Wu

Posted at 8:39PM on Dec 19th 2006 by j-wu

11. #10 is not a valid prediction. We all know it's going to be true.

Posted at 7:44AM on Dec 20th 2006 by Gwyneth Llewelyn

12. Hahahaha -- great reading!

Posted at 7:57AM on Dec 20th 2006 by TerryAnn Antonelli

13. "...she will turn out to be just this overweight girl from Yonkers whose mom took her out of ballet too soon and who couldn't get into grad school."

Yet when someone makes a comment about your weight, which is (from the looks of the photographs and what I've seen of you in real life) probably seven to eight Aimee(s) stacked side by side, that little stress vein on your forehead does somersaults and you cry "ZOMG FAT PEOPLE DISCRIMINATION LESBIAN BDSM GAY COMMUNIST FUCK FURRIES!"

Hy-prok-racy!

Posted at 11:40PM on Dec 21st 2006 by Joshua Nightshade

14. Aimee Weber 2008!

Posted at 9:04AM on Dec 22nd 2006 by Cristiano Midnight

15. Very insightful... love #2

Posted at 12:44PM on Jan 16th 2007 by Yesterday Demain

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