Trust betrayed. How could this happen?

I logged out to head to the store and get groceries. I come back, check my messages, see yet more press about the First Life website, and log back on to Second Life ... Only to catch my avatar in the act! There she was, logged into First Life!



How long this has been going on, I don't know. I hardly dare imagine what my Second Life avatar has been doing with her First Life avatar, who she calls "Lisa Loeb".

And, it seems, she's not the only one. Others, like Greg Verdino, have found their avatars have been fooling around in First Life.

Here we've got photographic evidence of some of the Second Lifers who have been moonlighting.

In the first row, from left to right, we see Greg Verdino lined up beside his Second Life avatar Jiggy Stardust and Jiggy's First Life alter ego, "Adam Broitman". The treacherous Tateru Nino, and her mysterious "Lisa Loeb" avatar in the middle row. Then Sladen McLuhan, and her avatar known only as "Anastasia" (what is it, that she is hiding?)

Jiggy is quite close-mouthed about himself in his Second Life profile, but in First Life, as "Adam Broitman", he closely emulates his progenitor Greg, finding a similar job, and providing similarly sound and practical metaverse marketing tactics. Tateru, not content to relax in either life, indulges her creative talents in the arenas of music, film and the small screen, whenever she puts on the mantle of "Lisa".

Don't they know it's not real? That there's no social value in connecting to other people this way? Two FL avatars might meet and chat in an FL meeting place, like a café. What do they really know about each-other? Why aren't they out doing something real and useful, like exploring the grid, raising money for charities, learning or teaching, or helping others? What about wholesome and valuable text-chat with other avatars?

Or are the young avatars of today too enamoured with this new-fangled First Life thing? It's hardly better than gaming, and there are all manner of griefers, con-artists and cheats there, plus the proliferation of Ponzi schemes and Ageplayers in First Life. It's positively disgraceful.

Other avatars have been using their First Life alter-egos to form a machinima company and producing some kind of machinima videos under the name 'Bollywood'; Angrybeth Shortbread, Sabrina Doolittle, Ordinal Malaprop, Elikapeka Tiramisu, and Torrid Midnight have all been implicated in using their First Life avatars for these Bollywood Machinimas. How can a simple series of snapshots with premade First Life bodies and props edited together possibly be considered an artform?

It's all so terribly confusing.

In the meantime, I'm going to be keeping the prim laptop safely LOCKed (Edit window, Object tab) with scripts set disabled. I've too much work to do to have my avatar squandering time on this first Life nonsense. What if she spends all the money in the account? First Life avatars have a bewildering array of expensive needs, that all seem to need constant catering to.

First Life landowners not only have to pay property taxes to prevent the government from confiscating the land, and selling it at auction, but – and I know this may seem hard to believe – have gardens that require frequent (and often expensive upkeep), but don't actually seem to do anything, or serve any function. These gardens and yards just sit there for people to look at. Maybe it's some sort of odd form of self-expression. It's hard to imagine why a First Life avatar would spend so much money and time on something that you only look at, and can't even take with you if you should relocate to another property or to another life service.

Oh, there's all sorts of news stories that you can make "real money" in First Life. Tales of millionaires abound, and the press cannot get enough of them or of the feted First Life celebrities, but really ... The user interface is tough to learn, and orientation isn't much help. Even with the assistance of other First Life avatars it takes 16 to 18 years to get through orientation, and even more work to acquire the skills to start a business or participate in one – to say nothing of the unemployment rates, or that as many business ventures fail as succeed. This is to say nothing of the technical knowledge and skills required even to do something simple, like building your own house or a simple vehicle. First Life is obviously heavily weighted towards technical geeks.

First Life avatars can't even teleport, and any but the most tediously slow means of transportation seems to require some form of payment. Clearly, First Life is a scam, if ever I've seen one, and Tateru will have to get her work done first, and then deal with supervised usage, if she's going to use it at all. For now, she's grounded, as far as First Life is concerned.



For the hard-of-thinking: This is a work of parody and satire, we're not implying any connection between the Second Life avatars, and the people depicted. God knows, I'm not claiming to be Lisa Loeb.